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The Dark Side of Renewal by Joseph O'Connor Renewal and regeneration happen every day. Every morning we are renewed when we wake from a deep sleep. Each day is new, a chance to change our life if we wish and if we can. Our senses constantly give us new impressions and experience. Whatever we have done, each moment is a chance to do something different. The body also renews itself. It replaces itself completely every ten years; there is not a single atom left that was there ten years ago. And yet, we experience ourselves as the same person – renewal in the service of stability and survival. When we injure ourselves we can heal the injury, the skin and tissue renews itself, we need do nothing. Sometimes, if the injury is a big one, and it leaves a scar – a stronger protective layer over the injury. Renewal and regeneration are natural and mostly good, but I have a confession to make. When I knew they were the theme of this issue, my first thought was of the Hydra. Not the tiny creature that lives in ponds, nor the Greek island, nor the constellation of stars, but the mythological monster. Looking at the dark side of renewal and regeneration can be enlightening. According to legend, the Hydra was a monster lived in the swamps near the ancient city of Lernia. It was a huge dragon with poisonous breath and nine heads, and it did what dragons do the world over – ate the inhabitants of the nearby villages, in this case, nine at a time. To kill this monster, you had to cut off all its heads, but there was a problem. Every time you cut off one head, two more would grow in its place and one of the nine heads could not be harmed by any weapon. Killing the monster was the second of the twelve labours of Hercules. Hercules’ first strategy was to cut off the heads, but he soon realised that this only made things worse, so he got his friend Iolaus to cauterise the neck every time he cut off a head to stop the head from growing again. After a heroic battle, Hercules managed to cut off all the heads but one. This last head could not be killed, so Hercules crushed it with his club, ripped it off, buried it, and put a large stone on top. The Hydra was very good at renewal, and the monster is a good metaphor for those sort of fears, anxieties and worries that we battle with every day, even defeat every day, but which come back the next day in a slightly different guise to be fought again. They come in many different forms. There are worries about our health and about our loved ones. About losing work. There are specific anxieties, perhaps about elevators or air travel, and there are the insidious social anxieties that pervade our culture. We live in an achievement-oriented society, which can be motivating and positive, however it has its dark side too. Sometimes it seems that anything less than living your mission to the full with unlimited power and kick ass self esteem is to be a failure. There is a lot of pressure to succeed and be perfect, both in body and mind, and this generates anxiety that floats like a ghost and can attach itself to many different things. Are we good enough? In the aftermath of September the 11th, and the Tsunami on December 26th the world seems a more dangerous place, menaced by both man and nature. Fear is an instinct, and a helpful one. When something dangerous happens in the moment, the fear reaction makes us react quickly and overrides other concerns. Its positive intention is to keep us safe. We are born with only three fears – of falling, of abandonment and of loud noises. That means that every other fear is learned. Stop for a minute and think about that. We lean to be afraid. We help to create the Hydra of anxiety. To fear failure and loss is understandable, but sometimes our anxieties are not reasonable. For example, many people fear to fly, yet air travel has never been safer. The chance of being killed in an aircraft accident in 2004 was one in every ten billion people flying. Cars are much more dangerous than aircraft, yet we are not usually afraid of cars. Cigarettes can kills you, yet we are not usually afraid of them either. Control and familiarity dull the anxiety. Any fear that we learn, we can unlearn with NLP. Most fears, worries and anxieties are about the future. They are based on imaginings of what might happen, but has not. The brain makes associated pictures of the frightening events. These imaginings and reality are equally real, so we respond with fear as we would if the event were actually happening. The future is always uncertain and a fruitful playground for the imagination. Fear of the future is the Hydra that generates anxiety. Like Hercules, you need to deal with the specific fear, but also you need to cauterise the wound by stopping the thinking that gives rise to the anxiety in the first place. Stopping the specific worry alone may decapitate it, but another one will grow in its place. Here is a three step process for dealing with fear of the future. First, recognise and be aware of the anxiety. Don’t ignore it; accept the fact that you are worried or anxious. This relieves some pressure immediately. OK, you are anxious. Secondly, find out the positive intention behind the fear. All fear is trying to do something of value for you, usually to keep you safe from harm or ridicule, preserve your self-esteem or fulfil your values. What is the fear trying to do that is positive? Thirdly, you need to change the strategy you are using that is generating the fear. An NLP strategy is a sequence of representations with an outcome. The simplest fear producing strategy is engaging in self talk about the bad things that can happen, (internal dialogue), making associated pictures of those bad events (visualisation), and then feeling frightened (Kinesthetic). To cauterise the fear, you need to substitute another strategy. Here is the complete process. The Hercules Pattern - From Fear to Action 1) Acknowledge your anxiety. You feel afraid, do not try to deny it or argue it away. Remember that nothing has happened. 2) Take some immediate action to calm the anxiety. Relax, slow your breathing, listen to relaxing music or otherwise distract yourself. Fear and anxiety makes it difficult to think clearly about anything. 3) Realise that whatever you are afraid of has not happened yet; therefore it exists only as a possibility in your mind. Later you will look back on this fear and laugh. 4) Remember times when you were afraid but everything turned out well. What can you learn from those situations that will help you in this one? 5) Find out what you are imagining that is generating this unreal fear. What pictures are you seeing? What do they look like? What sounds are you hearing? What are the qualities of the sounds? 6) Once you are aware of exactly how you are creating the anxiety in your imagination, disrupt the pictures and sounds. Blank the pictures. Turn the sounds off, just as you would with a TV program that you don’t like. 7) Imagine what you want to happen. Make it as clear and specific as possible. 8) Plan some action steps to make that outcome more likely. It is essential to DO something. Only by taking action can you eliminate unreal fear. The strategy that generates fear has no external steps. This is what gives it power. 9) Mentally rehearse what you want to happen, not what you fear might happen. And finally, remember the famous quote from Mark Twain- ‘I have had thousands of problems in my life, most of which have never happened.‘ ### Joseph O’Connor is an international consultant, trainer, and executive coach. He is co-founder of the International Coaching Community, NLP master trainer and author of seventeen books on NLP, Coaching and systemic thinking, published in 29 languages. His latest book, Extraordinary Solutions for Everyday Problems is now available as a PDF format ebook. CLICK HERE Article Source: www.nolimitsforme.com |
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