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MORE ANGER MANAGEMENT ARTICLES
 

by Anne Walsh

Introduction

If you are reading this, there is probably a part of you that is tired of being angry, tired of flying off the handle at small irritations, tired of giving your nearest and dearest a hard time, tired of feeling guilty because you said and did things that were not acceptable. I know this because I have been an angry person for a long time. I know what it’s like to feel frustrated, impatient to the extent of lashing out at the people nearest you and then deeply regretting it. I haven’t done this for a long time and I’d like to share with you some of the ways I got my anger under control. Essentially, I took a four-step approach.

1.    Eliminate external annoyances
2.    Examine killer expectations
3.    Pinching and crunching
4.    Turn the unavoidable into the enjoyable

Eliminate External Annoyances

Are you easily bothered? Are you magnificent in a crisis but lose your head over an untidy room? If so, the chances are that you are putting up with a lot of small little irritations that build up and increase the likelihood of getting angry. If you think of irritability and anger as being a reservoir, little annoyances are like tiny streams feeding it. If the reservoir level is kept up by all these streams, the possibility of there being an overflow is much more likely. Make a list of all these niggling little irritations and eliminate them! Write a list of tolerations and begin getting rid of them. The idea is to begin to eliminate all the low level annoyances so that the flows are dried up and the anger reservoir begins to diminish. The other great side effect of doing this is the rise you will feel in your positive energy levels!

Examine killer expectations

I learnt this lesson in a very hands-on way. Until recently, my son wanted me to put him to bed and then stay with him until he fell asleep. On some nights, this could take up to an hour and a half. Frankly, by the end of the first hour, I was fit to have a stroke. I was angry, resentful and of course did this help the situation? No, my son sensed my tension and he found it more difficult to get to sleep. See a pattern here. So what happened? I asked myself why was I so angry? I had the EXPECTATION that he would be asleep in 30 minutes. When this didn’t happen, I got angry. So what did I do? I decided to change my expectations. If there was something on TV I wanted to watch, I set the video to tape it and resigned myself to staying with him for as long as was necessary. This worked really well. He now goes to sleep within 30 minutes and it’s one of my favourite parts of the day with him because we have a proper chat before he goes to sleep. And I don’t get angry any more. What killer expectations do you have in your life? Take one of them and see what happens when you let go of it for a week. Prepare to be surprised!

Pinching and Crunching

Let’s say one of your nearest and dearest does something that annoys you. It’s probably only a small thing so you decide (being the wonderful magnanimous creature you are ) to ignore it. After all, it has only pinched you a little. It happens again. Again you tell yourself it is too trivial to worry about. It happens the fourth, fifth and sixth time. At each occurrence your annoyance reservoir has received a top up. All of a sudden, on the seventh occurrence, it’s the final crunch. You lose your temper, much to the hurt and total bewilderment of your beloved. There’s a row, you feel guilty and nothing has been resolved. Sound familiar? Yep, that’s pinching and crunching. OK, what do you think would have happened if you had admitted at the first occurrence (at the pinch) that you were annoyed and asked your beloved to do less of it. Two things probably. First of all, the very act of admitting your irritation would have eased it and secondly you would be dealing with it when you were still calm and rational. So next time something trivial happens, take the necessary steps to deal with it at an early stage, before you turn into a crunchie!

Turn the unavoidable into the enjoyable

“If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!” If you have a problem with anger, the chances are that you have certain non-avoidable events that pushes your anger buttons. It could be queues, slow traffic, meetings. What’s yours? Why not ask yourself what you could do to use this time enjoyably and productively. For example, if you have a long drive home, use the time to listen to some of your favourite books (most libraries now have a audio-tape section), make a tape/CD of your favourite music, get a dictaphone and dictate the masterpiece that you have always been threatening to write into it on the way home. Give a friendly wave to anyone who looks at you strangely! Don’t just sit there fuming! If you are waiting for someone, use the time to people watch or read a book. Convert that pent-up angry energy into energy and creativity to benefit you and others! Watch as your life becomes less angry and more enjoyable!

Conclusion

This article gives you some ideas as to how to harness your anger so that it doesn’t harm you or the people around you. It’s about harnessing that powerful angry energy so that you begin to get more done and enjoy better relationships with the people around you.

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