Issue 8, June 8, 2009
— Anne Hartley, Creating Harmony Within
In this issue:FEATURE: Wayne W. Dyer, Excuses Begone! Part two Ask Caroline Sutherland Sharon Elaine, Affirmations For Life — Forgiveness Guy Finley, You Can Change the World Meryl Ann Butler, Armageddon or Quantum Leap? Dr Bill Path, Humanity's Pursuit of Purpose Cindy Ashton, Kiss Your Monsters Goodbye Anne Hartley, Creating Harmony WithinWider Screenings, James Bond, Partisan...EventsReviewsEarlier issues
In the rabbit hole scenes of the movie, What the Bleep Do We Know?
the creators received a lot of emails from people asking why they kept
re-editing the movie. People thought that scenes had been
deleted and others added and some people became quite upset by
this. At that time the creators hadn’t made any changes, it
seems that viewers’ minds picked up on different things, and missed
others, as they gained new knowledge.
A paradigm is a set of assumptions, concepts and values that makes up
our individual way of viewing reality. By expanding our
reality, with new knowledge and new experiences, we expand or shift our
paradigm of who we are and what we are capable of. Your
perception of life influences everything from how intelligent you are,
to how successful you can be, to how much people like you.
This perception was created from choices made in childhood and until
you replace those choices with conscious choices your paradigm of the
world remains the same.
One day when I was in Year Eight my teacher said in front of the whole
class, "Anne, you think you are good at composition don't
you? Well I've got news for you. You're
not!" I could have crawled under the desk I was so
embarrassed, but I also remember thinking, "I'll show you".
If this had happened at age eight or so I might have accepted her
limiting statement and not tried being a writer because my perception
would have dictated I didn’t have the skill. However, that
statement was made when I was at a rebellious stage, so I made a very
conscious choice to prove her wrong. That teacher did me a
huge favour because she inspired me to expand my paradigm of what I was
We are hard wired to respond automatically. On an everyday
level we don’t think about how to breathe, or how to walk, we do it
automatically. So you change your perception and expand your
paradigm by making conscious choices to replace decisions made in the
past which don’t serve the person you are today, or the life you wish
In his book, Having it
All, John Assaraf says, “Your nonconscious or subconscious
mind makes up the other five-sixths of your brain mass and controls
ninety six to ninety-eight percent of your perception and
behaviour”. So if ninety eight percent of your behaviour is
nonconscious, it makes sense that if you want your life to change, you
want your brain to support you, otherwise it’s working against you.
Whatever you believe becomes your reality. This means that
any limiting belief you hold about yourself, for instance ‘people don’t
like me’ or, ‘I’m not good enough’ dictates how you think, talk and act
and creates the very conditions you don’t want.
You create a paradigm shift when you make a conscious choice as to who
you want to be. This is one of the most important decisions
you will ever make because the character of the person you choose
determines how you perceive life and what happens to you.
Your character determines whether you will bounce back after a setback
or slump into a depression as well as how you act on a daily
basis. Your character shapes your destiny. Choosing
who you wish to be gives you back the power over your life.
When you consciously choose to act on your values you not only feel
good about yourself, you reinforce your chosen beliefs and over time
your perception of what you can be, do and have changes, and the world
in turn changes its perception of you.
Just imagine a person cuts you off just as you are about to drive into
a parking spot, think about how you want to act. If you reacted you
might be tempted to make a rude gesture, give the other driver a black
look, scream abuse or mutter to yourself⎯you could even go so far as to
let another person’s actions spoil your day. Or, you can make
a conscious choice to act like the person you choose to be.
If, for instance you choose to be a kind person you might let the other
person have your parking spot. You might even feel irritated
for a short while, but ultimately you will feel good about yourself and
the way you behaved therefore turning a potentially negative experience
into something positive. Acting on your values is a form of
I recommend that all my clients choose three values which contain the
character traits of the ideal person they would like to be, I call
these being values. There is no rule that says that you can’t
have two values or four. Three values are easy to remember
and act upon because these are not values you pay lip service to, they
only work if you act on them consistently.
What makes values work is the definition you place on each
value. My values are gracious wise and powerful. To
me a gracious person is diplomatic, treats everyone with respect, is
kind but is no pushover. This value has really helped me to
set boundaries in a way that supports me. Before I chose this
value, I wasn’t comfortable setting boundaries and because I hated
doing it I wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible, this
meant that sometimes I was too abrupt and this offended some
people. I chose to be wise because I have a tendency to be
impulsive. However, the value powerful is the one that
challenged me the most because there were many times when I simply
didn’t felt powerful, that changed when I redefined what powerful
meant. My definition of powerful is that I only make choices
which make me feel good about me and I unconditionally accept what is,
myself and other people.
Definitions help you get started then you need to think about how you
are going to act on your values on a regular basis. One of my
clients had a father who loved her but was so critical of her that he
bordered on being abusive and until we started working together she had
simply taken his abuse. I suggested that she become a
gracious person and whenever he started criticising she put up her hand
in a stop sign gesture as she very graciously said, “Let’s not go
there”. I also suggested that if he ignored her request she
should leave and tell him she would be happy to talk with him when was
prepared to treat her with respect. She never needed to get
to the second step because simply putting up her hand and saying,
“Let’s not go there” always defused the situation and her relationship
with her father improved dramatically.
Values definitions are personal, so it doesn’t matter what other people
think, or what standard interpretations are, these are your values and
your choice. The only standard I place upon values is that
they should always enhance your life. They might challenge
you and if they don’t I would question that you have chosen the right
ones, ultimately though acting on your values makes you feel good about
Life always supports you, although it doesn’t always feel that way, by
constantly presenting you with opportunities for you to gain mastery
over your fears. A swimming champion does not become one by
deciding to be a swim champ and never getting in the water.
He swims daily and continues to push himself in order to gain
mastery. So in order to gain mastery of yourself, to really
be, you need to continually act on your conscious choices.
How you react to everyday challenges, determines the quality of your
life. You have total control over how much you allow into your life and
total control over how much you contribute. Who you choose to be is
your compass. Use it to guide all of your choices.
You will never make a wrong decision if you act on your highest values.