How to Deal With Difficult People

Have you ever had a difficult customer?  One of those who you wish would become someone else’s customer?  Well, unfortunately, we all have had customers like that.  What I want us to do is to begin looking at it as an opportunity instead of a negative.  In this chapter, we are going to look at the “whys” we need to look at them as an opportunity and the “dos” to handle them more effectively and positively. 

First, let’s look at the “whys.”  A number of years ago the White House Council on Consumer Affairs performed a research project that to this day has some chilling news for us.  The White House council discovered (depending on industry, part of the country in which you live, etc…) that it can cost five or six times more to get a new customer  as compared to keeping a current customer.  The message is clear.  Just for pure economic reasons, we need to do everything we can to keep the customers we have even if they can be a pain in the rear sides of our anatomy. 

The White House Council also discovered that 96 percent of unhappy customers won’t tell us when they’re unhappy.  Uh-Oh!  Big Problem!  Now, here is an even bigger problem.  The Council found out that 91 percent of the 96 percent unhappy customers will go somewhere else to be served if we don’t resolve their challenges to their satisfaction.

Now, I know what you are thinking, “Mark, if they don’t tell me that they are upset and dissatisfied, how in the world am I supposed to know?  I’m not a mind reader.”   You are not going to like my answer. You had better be a mind reader.  Let me put it a better way.  If that customer of yours is not glowing with loyalty, then you must assume that they fall within the statistics somewhere within your service practices.  Maybe it is the way they have to schedule appointments, maybe it is the length of wait for the product to be installed, maybe it is how long they have to wait for the phone to be answered, maybe it is the cost, and the list could go on and on and on.  

Now, here is the good news.  The White House Council said that between 54 percent and 70 percent of unhappy customers will do business with us again if their complaint is served properly.   That figure can jump to as high as 95 percent if it is served not only properly but also quickly.  So, in essence we can come a long way down the road of turning a disgruntled customer into a loyal customer if we take their complaint seriously. 

Here is something I want you to focus on.  Since 96 percent of unhappy customers won’t tell you that they are upset, you have to jump for joy when you finally here a complaint.  Not, that the challenge exists, but that you were told about it.  Because once you know, you can personally do something to solve it. 

Let’s talk about three types of difficult people and how we best can handle them.   Before we get to that though, the first thing I want you to understand is that it is not your job to change the difficult person.  In fact, you can’t.  That is their job.  Your job is to learn to handle them in the best possible way.  A number of years ago, I was at a banquet where the speaker was Dr. Mike Murdock.  Knowing what I do for a living as a professional speaker and corporate trainer and also knowing that I was pretty young and naïve at the time, Dr. Murdock decided to single me out in his speech.  It made an impact on me.  One that I will never forget.  In front of all these people, Dr. Murdock said, “Mark, remember, you can’t change anyone unless they want to be changed.”  Tough lesson!  Right answer!  The truth is that some of the difficult people in your life will always be difficult no matter what you do…because they choose to be. 

I also believe that it is important to put in place what I call a “Buffer Zone.”  What in the world is a buffer zone? A buffer zone is anything that will keep you calm for the first ten seconds of the encounter with the difficult person.  You see, this is what happens.  The difficult person says something nasty to you.  At the moment what are you feeling?  Like your head is going to explode if you don’t say something nasty back to them?  When we are attacked, isn’t it true that many times we get a little hot under the collar too?  Some of you are thinking, “Mark, I don’t get a little hot under the collar, I have a blazing infernal under there.”  I understand.  So, what do we do?  We have to cap off the infernal.  We have to smother the fire.  If we don’t do this, we may say or do something to the customer that we will regret as soon as it comes out of our mouths.
 
Again, a buffer zone is anything that will keep you calm for the first ten seconds.  The first ten seconds are critical.  Our emotions can be like a volcano ready to erupt and we have to slow down the volcano.  Cool the emotion.  Stay in control.  Be proactive not reactive.

Some of the most common buffer zones are counting to ten before you speak, taking a few deep breaths, using an affirmation in your head such as “I getting paid to serve this customer, I am getting paid to serve this customer, I getting paid to serve this customer.”  As silly as those can be, especially that last one, they do work, don’t they?  Choose a buffer zone, either one of those or make one up of your own.  The point is that we all have to have a way to control our emotions in “heated situations.”  When we do that, the rest of it is more manageable. 

Difficult Customer #1:  The Negative Complainers

They gripe, they whine, and nothing ever works out right…according to them.  The negative customer is the one who always says it won’t work.  They are always looking at the down side and they are always complaining about something…the procedure, the weather, your price, their insurance, and they even complain about you.  These are fun people to be around, aren’t they?  NOT!   
 
How do we handle these people?  First of all, don’t let them get you down.  Stay up and stay positive.  Then the next time a difficult customer walks in the door, do three things.  Handle them:

1.    Politely
Always be polite.  Always! Always!  Always!  Keep your buffer zone ready because you are going to need it.  No matter what they say or do, follow your mom’s advice.   What did mom always say?  “Be nice, be kind, and be polite.”

2.    Positively
Counter their negative with a positive.  If they say it won’t work, ask them, “What if it does work?  When it works, what benefit will that bring to your life?”  Try to paint for them a picture of themselves benefiting from the positive outcome.

3.    Firmly
Sometimes, you just have to be firm as if you are dealing with a child. Remember, you can be firm and still be polite and positive.  You are the expert.   Say something like this, “Mr./Mrs. Customer, I know you are uncomfortable and I know you doubt the outcome.  I am asking you to trust me.  My experience says for us to use this approach.  If it doesn’t work then we will re-evaluate, but I believe it will work.”


Difficult Customer # 2:  The Know-it-All

Have you ever been around a know-it-all?  Isn’t that fun?  A know-it-all knows everything from apples to zoology and they want to share it all with you.  The greatest challenge with a know-it-all is that they will interrupt you a lot.  This can be frustrating (which can lead to you saying something you shouldn’t say or your tone sounding impatient) because they can soak up a lot of your valuable time. 

What do you do when confronted with this type of customer?  Can you ask a know-it-all not to interrupt you with out irritating them?  I think you can one time.  Stay calm and say something like this, “I am glad you brought that up (and you are glad because it shows interest), I think when I get done explaining such and such it will make more sense.  If not, please ask me at that time.”  If that doesn’t work, then keep gently leading them back to the topic at hand. 

One main thing to remember when dealing with know-it-alls is that they like you.  They are not trying to be difficult.  They are good customers who just have this quirk.
 
Difficult Customer #3:  The Hostile

    The hostile customer is the most difficult to deal with.  They can be nasty, vulgar, and just plain mean.  The main thing when dealing with a hostile is to let them vent.   They don’t even want to hear your apology or explanation until they have gotten it off their chest.  Let them vent.

    Another thing is that all this venom that they are spraying doesn’t even have to do with you.  Maybe they have had a bad day or a bad week and then something goes wrong when they are at your office.  They fly off the handle and let you have it.   You, unfortunately, are taking the heat for all the challenges in their life.  That is not fair, but many times reality.

    Another thing to remember is that you don’t have to take abuse from a hostile customer.  If they are getting vulgar, you can politely tell them that you don’t allow that type of language in your office and if they continue they will be asked to leave. 

    The biggest challenge when dealing with hostile customers is that if anyone is going to go unstable on you, it is a hostile.  If you sense this, or feel very uncomfortable, then don’t handle this situation by yourself.  Get help.  Sometimes this will calm the situation or at least defuse it.  Your safety and the safety of everyone else in the office is paramount.  That takes precedence over making this type of customer happy. 

    Dealing with difficult customers is stressful and very frustrating.   But when you take these action steps effectively and smoothly, it can be a very rewarding and profitable situation.  When handled properly, many times difficult customers turn into your most loyal customers.    ###


The above is an excerpt from Mark Bowser's book, Three Pillars of Success